One thing that has always frustrated me is my inability to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up. Or what my dreams really were.
I looked beside me and saw all of my friends talking about being graphic designers, photographers, nurses, etc. And I had no idea. I always wanted to be a teacher, but that burning passion just was never there during my early years. I mostly just wanted to be like my mom, who was/is a teacher.
I love teaching. But what I really love about teaching isn't the curriculum and subjects. What I love about teaching is getting to know my students, laughing with them, watching them grow, sharing stories, and making them realize how special life is, how special they are. That, is my passion in teaching. It's the students.
So when I got to thinking of if I could be anything in this whole world, what would I be? What would I do? I tried to dream of all these scenarios of owning my own non-profit. That is the only thing in my head I could think of as a dream job.
I read one time to figure out what you had a passion for keep writing down things you enjoy until one of them just makes you cry and your heart ache. One that hits you so deep inside that you cannot quite thinking about it. The possibilities. I loved that.
The real dream job in my head, I was always a tad embarrassed to say. Like it wasn't good enough to be my dream job. Like I needed something more.
I've never really cared about the money. I've never cared about the big name, the big title, the fame, or the fortune. Sometimes I wondered why I didn't.
When I was in girl scouts back in the day. I mean, waaaaay back in the day. I put down on a little piece of paper that I wanted to be a teacher. While everyone else put dreams that were way beyond our little third grade minds.
Thinking back, a teacher is the job I wanted. But it wasn't my entire dream. It was just a small smidgen (yeah, probably not a word) of the big dream in my head.
My dream that makes hot tears streak down my face thinking about. My dream that makes a fire in my soul. My dream that pushes me, encourages me, motivates me.
That dream is quite simply to have a family of my own. My dream job is to....be a mom. And to intensively love others. Help others. Be what my family has always given me.
And my biggest fear in this lifetime is not getting to do that. Not getting to do the one thing I have dreamed about for so, so, so long. The one I look forward to the most.
I am really just blabbering. But after starting our Bible study with the book One Thousand Gifts (which I HIGHLY recommend)...it's almost like I was freed. Like I finally got it.
And I realized what excites me most is the smallest of small things. The little moments that pass by that you catch yourself just dazing off smiling and thinking about them.
The moments like the smell of coffee in the morning before you have gotten out of bed. The sounds my little Piper makes when she is so, so sleepy. Seeing my husband dance around the house. The feeling of looking out onto the lake as the sun is going down. Fresh snow that hasn't been walked on yet.
Those moments. Those are the ones that I treasure. And make me realize my dreams are coming true just about everyday. The little ones. And someday, the big ones.
Please tell me, what are YOUR dreams?